Wednesday, 21 October 2009
-
time and love
i just missed a mandatory training for work...and being a newly minted employee, things like this don't help at all. this is the second time. and they won't easily forgive. questions arise. what will my supervisor say? will i still have a job even? dammit. why can't i keep my schedule together??
in my naivete, i think if others were unjust to me, it wouldn't be as bad. my integrity would still stand. but when i realize that ive done something wrong it hurts so bad. it's as if the pillars im standing on are knocked out from under me. my thoughts sink into my stomach.
one thing that i feel really guilty about is missing appointments or not fulfilling what i had planned to do. and that is just what happened this morning. a few missed appointments which says that im not fulfilling the role to be a faithful worker. a few missed appointments which says that i don't have my priorities straight. how can i even begin to think about the eternally-important responsibility of sharing christ to others, when i cannot even handle the day-to-day responsibility of showing up to a place on time?
sigh.
how can i dare even think about the death of the saints and their reckless abandonment to love when i am not faithful in my commitments to others? because surely, the saints' faithfulness to the gospel was what led to their death and reckless abandonment...not that death and reckless abandonment stand alone because if not for love they would be no more than a clanging gong or cymbal. my soul weeps at the thought. maybe then, this whole process will take more time than i think. maybe the path towards radical change starts with simply being faithful.
-
recommend
- recs 0
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
